to answer the un-asked questions...what exactly am i doing with my life...

Proverbs 25:2 "It is the glory of God to conceal a thing, but the honor of kings to search out a matter."

So, as many of you know, I moved to Kansas City to become an intercessory missionary at the International House of Prayer.

And in the back of my mind, and I'm sure yours, was the question, "What's the point of that?"

When I first moved, I didn't know why. Two and half weeks earlier, I had gotten a call from someone telling me I should move here. I put it off, thinking that it was pointless. "Why sit and pray all day?" That's the question that floated in my mind.

But one night, as I was falling asleep, I heard the Lord say, "Go to Kansas City and pray. This is what I want from you. Nothing more. Nothing less."

I couldn't quite understand the implications of the move. I really couldn't. But, after all that I had been through, I was convinced that I couldn't go wrong with prayer. And, in the back of my mind, I had the thought that I could just move back home if I didn't like it.

When I got here, I was immediately sure that this was my place to be.

Beyond the music, in my heart, there is a deep longing. I can't quite explain it, but it's something that I've always reached for. I'm not sure exactly what it is. But now, I feel like I'm gaining it.

I realized that I had fallen prey to the thought that prayer was secondary to Christian ministry. I had, in the deep crevices of my heart, a thought that the only reason you prayed was to see results. When you want to minister, you pray so that God will move. When you need something, you pray so that God will give it to you. When you don't like something, you pray so that God will change it.

But beyond the results, there is another prayer that is, in a sense, all inclusive. "God, who are You? What do you want? Why do you want it?"

This is the nobility of prayer. It's the honor of kings.

God hides things from us. It's His nature. A lot of times we ask what we want. But the mystery of truly effective prayer is this...asking what He wants. In the hidden heart of Christ is a deep longing to share everything He knows.

Looking back, I've learned how to do a lot. However, I've never learned to how to be.

I'm learning how to be one of God's friends.

It saddens me that the pursuit of friendship with God is deemed pointless at times...even in my heart. Some have said, you can do and in the process learn to be. I don't agree. Before God ever did anything, He Was.

It's in this secret that I want to be discovered. Beyond the comprehension of man's understanding and in the very middle of God's wisdom.

There I can be one that's like Melchizidek. A kingly priest. One lost in the depths of God's heart, changing the very atmosphere by being where I am rather than by what I'm doing.

Background Music: Misty Edwards singing, "'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus..."