that you may be healed...

ok, folks...

confession time.

here goes nothing...

i lack confidence. it's something i earnestly desire...and it really hurts to notice that i don't have it.

i'm noticing how it affects the way i act in social environments.

it also affects my perception of others...

i'm heartwrecked right now...

but this is good...that i may be healed.

Tune in my head: "There's a power in poverty that brings principalities and demons down to their knees..."

i'm still curious...

pre-trib...post-trib...

this is a new thing that i've been interested in.

i know what i believe...but i want to hear opposing viewpoints.

please...tell me what you think...only then will i tell you what i think.


and give evidence of your stance.

there's a certain pride that comes with immaturity...

Each day, it seems that I am, in some way, confronted with the youthful pride that has plagued most of my generation...it's rather humbling. The way that it creeps up on me is when I notice it in others...I'll get a chip on my shoulder, until I realize that their spoken immaturity matched that of my heart.

I think it has something to do with the community I've chosen to live in. IHOP is comprised of mainly young adults...90% of us are under the age of 25...however, the brokeness of mind and heart have become a major focus with all of us...

When I survey those that actually moved the heart of God, it seems as though that they may have started out with youthful zeal and vigor...and through the test of time...grew thick skin and gray hair...

I found myself wanting gray hair today.

Wisdom would be so nice.

Background music while writing: Luke Wood's worship band...singing an intercessory chorus for the people of Jerusalem..."Break in and save souls!"

in the secret devotion.

In class today, our teacher talked about how the Lord will reveal all hidden things.

However, the common misconception is that He will embarrass us. Eventually, WE will be the great secret givers. No matter what's hidden, we will reveal it.

I kinda chuckled at this. It was sobering to know that all the secret sins, if not handled, will be revealed by my own mouth.

However, a couple weeks ago, I was journaling. I wrote:

"In the secret devotion of my heart, move the biggest."


I wanna see what He does.

Background Music: Grace Kim's Worship with the Word. singing in the spirit...so nice.

Gourmet Grilled Cheese.

I happen to like good food.

So much so that I would pay double the price of something if even there was the hint that it would taste better than usual.

I found myself at Dean & Delucca today-one of my favorite food stops the next state over, and I decided I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich.

I remember when I was younger, the usual grilled cheese was made with American, processed cheese imitation with bleached flour bread. It was fried in a skillet with margarine, and served up on a paper towel with a side of tomato soup.

Well, I think I've matured quite a bit, seeing as the grilled cheese sandwich that was my lunch/dinner had mozzarella and provolone cheese with a garlic pesto. It was served on whole grain bread and wrapped in butcher paper. The side of choice was steamed broccoli and a bag of my favorite chips in the world, ZAPS.

Delicious.

friend.

So this morning in Worship with the Word, one of the singers sang an oracle that went something like this-

"Throughout the ages, You have many servants, but so few friends."

After the worship set, she explained the song. She said in the Bible, there are only 3 people that were called the friends of God. There were many that knew His will and His ways, but so very few were brought into the fellowship of friendship.

I think that above all else, I should wish to make my life about a friendship with Him.

Forget the works, let's talk about His heart.


background music: Grace Kim singing an intercessory chorus-"Your kindness leads us to repentence."

amish folks

Last night I was in the prayer room and was engrossed in a Wikipedia article about the Amish.

These people live their entire lives with the intention of driving away all venues of vanity.

They are aggressively and intentionally living humble lives.

I wonder what they will look like in the age to come...

hmmm...

background music: God TV recording for Daily Devotional...Misty is the worship leader this time.

ellipsis

The use of ellipses can either mislead or clarify, and the reader must rely on the good intentions of the writer who uses it...a nice Wiki-definition for you...

"..." or "dot-dot-dot"

I tend to use them when I write.

Why?

I'm not so sure.

this job of mine...

Yesterday was rather interesting...indeed.

I was given the task of transferring video footage from TheCall Nashville...how awesome is that?

I was being paid to watch a video of a turning point in this nation's prophetic history.

However, sitting in the same place for hours on end is not my cup of tea...it's funny that God would call me to the end-time prayer movement, where the mundane is glory...

So after a seemingly busy day, I found myself sitting in the prayer room...and my boss walks in, obviously exhausted...

You can tell that his day had been more than hectic, for he had been from meeting to meeting and issue to issue...and he collapsed. Yes. Right there in the prayer room.

You have to understand something about my boss...he shows absolutely NO emotion...not even the slightest of smiles (unless he passes gas in front of you)...but through his emotionless person, I could tell that his heart was somewhat in utter joy when he arrived in the house of prayer. His head looked like it had been voluntarily slammed against a couple walls, but he looked relieved.

I have the best boss in the world. He may not be the coolest...Mercy's is sooooo cool...but really, I believe he's the best.

background music while this was written: John Thurlow's 8 a.m. worship with word set...incredible. simply incredible.

A man I barely know has inspired me...

to blog.

I don't mean the fake myspace blogs that one would post for attention.

I don't mean the meaningless blog accounts that you open, with the hopes of being disciplined enough to have self-relflection. (okay maybe I'm the only one...forgive me, then)

I mean the particularly sophisticated art of exposing the thoughts that no one really wanted to know...but appreciate upon stumbling upon them. This is my definition of blogging.

This man that I barely know has revealed only a bit of his wisdom through this portal that really isn't real...when you really think about it, the internet is so detached from reality...and yet it seems to control every moment in our ever changing society...

And I, the archetypical teenage cynic, will attempt to unravel the threads of life...and blog every knot and twist I encounter...

we'll see what happens...

my journey will never be over...