vines.

I have discovered a secret of living life in the midst of chaos- abiding. I have been on a faith journey of searching for my place in Him.

Earlier this year, after the whirlwind of traveling with a music group, I asked myself, "Why do I feel like I've wasted the last 9 months of my life?" I couldn't put my finger on it. Although others had insight into some of the very apparent mistakes that I brought myself into, I could not grasp why there was a void. Despite all of the things that went wrong that were truly out of my hands, I felt like there a missing piece of the picture. I felt far removed from God at my own doing. Eventually, I moved on...without ever getting a real answer.

However, a couple of days ago, I started analyzing the unsolved problem that I had in the place of prayer. I was determined to understand where my heart was in that period in my life. Suddenly, out of no where, a prophetic singer sang, "I am the branch, and You are the vine...wherever You are, there will I be also!" I opened my Bible and started the journey of learning to abide.

John 15:5-7 "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you."

Something in my heart brought me back to the difficult times of this year, and I realized the haunting truth that I had allowed myself to be separated from the vine. Through all of the turmoil and confusion, I gave up on praying, reading my Bible, and even worshiping. I didn't abide in love. I didn't abide in God. I justified my fallen state with the claim of being mistreated and misused.

However, in one moment, the light of God's word shattered the reality that I had forsaken first things. I did waste 9 months of my life...not because someone mistreated me or because I was busy but because I had cut myself off from the source of life and goodness.

When I thought about the nature of vines, I realized they can roam anywhere. They can spread over un-fertile soil, lifeless rocks, and houses while still remaining alive. Also, the plants that stem from the vine grow and produce color and fruit.

This passage in John took on a new dimension for me. I realized that even though I seemed to going through a place of un-fertile soil and lifelessness, I had a choice to remain attached to a vine that would give me the strength to produce fruit and life. However, I chose to disassociate myself from the vine. I was cast away and withered. It was the grace of God that I had people to pray for me and re-attach me to the vine.

So now, with the semi-hectic schedule and to-do lists, I have found that keeping myself attached Jesus continually keeps me alive. I can't live without Him.

Background Music: Luke Woods singing "Worthy is the Lamb." He truly declares the beauty and majesty of Jesus better than any I've heard.